


In My Own Time

by anemic_cinema



Series: May Masturbation Challenge [15]
Category: Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Body Image, F/F, Masturbation, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-24 22:07:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1618709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anemic_cinema/pseuds/anemic_cinema
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carol has her own time now, and her body feels a little like it's hers.</p>
<p>CW: Psychological abuse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In My Own Time

The heat of the shower was the greatest thing Carol could have wished for. It was the first time in the past 24 hours that she'd felt something other than crushing despair. They'd found shelter in the CDC, her and her daughter were safe, and there'd been wine with dinner. And Ed was gone. Forever. It had been so long since she'd felt this free. No longer feeling the fear his presence had brought was terrifying and exciting. She could speak how she wanted and act like she wanted. 

Carol had time to herself now, for the first time since she'd gotten married. During those years, even when she was alone, time never felt like it was her own. It always belonged to someone else, and she was just borrowing it. She had her own time now, and she could do whatever she wanted. Feel whatever she wanted. Think whatever she wanted.

Sophia was sleeping, so she didn't have to worry about her. She scrubbed shampoo into her short graying hair, her fingertips massaging her scalp. The lather rinsed off in streams running down her body. Carol sighed. Having access to a proper shower was such a luxury. She was going to indulge herself, and not worry about using up the hot water. It was too good of a treat to care about anyone else. 

She smoothed soap across her arms and chest, making it lather up as much as she could. The bubbles slid down with a tickling sensation that was wonderfully arousing. Carol exhaled slowly as she pushed some of the lather to the tops of her breasts, and watched it slide down. She caught it in her hands and began stroking her breasts, admiring how the soap moved across them. They weren't perky or big, but they were her own, and no one else would ever claim ownership to them. That was enough to make her feel almost beautiful.

That wasn't to say that she never wanted anyone else to touch them. She could think of a few people she would've liked to give the privilege to. Daryl for one. He was cute despite looking kind of dangerous on his motorcycle. Andrea too. Carol had always been attracted to women just as much as men, but she'd never had the chance to explore that, or even talk about it to anyone. If anyone would understand that, Andrea would. She seemed like she wouldn't judge. Maybe she'd even be willing to help Carol gain deeper understanding of that aspect of her sexuality. 

The thought made Carol smile. The blonde was so pretty, and to be with her was such a lovely thought. To feel her naked body pressed against hers, and to hear Andrea's voice saying her name all breathy-like was all Carol wanted to think about. She stroked and gently pinched at her nipples, imagining that it was the blonde's fingers, then her mouth, teasing them to hardness.

If it was long since Carol has had her own time, it had been longer since her body had been her own. She was inside of it more than she'd ever been. If her body was her own, it was her own to share it. Andrea would understand that too. She was a smart woman. She'd respect it and see it for what it was, a gift. It wasn't a perfect body, but it was hers.

Carol's fingers slip down, and feel the water as it rushes through the hair on her mons. 'This is mine,' she thought as she parted the lips and dipped her fingers in between them. She tried to keep quiet, but sounds keep coming out from her mouth. The sound of the shower and the water hitting the shower stall is louder, but she still pressed her lips shut. For certain then only she could hear herself, the sounds from her throat vibrating up her jaw to the insides of her ears, getting louder each time she moved her fingertips across her clit.

Standing up and doing that was too difficult though. So Carol carefully got down on her knees in the stall. That was easier. The spray from the shower hit her back as she positioned herself on her knees and hand, the other one busy between her thighs. The pleasure was too encompassing to think of anything besides it. The only focus Carol could manage was the water sliding down her skin, some of it trickling into delicate places, and her hand moving faster and faster. 

The orgasm was the first one she'd had since Ed had found her vibrator and threw it out in a fit of anger. His little tantrum display had been preceded by him slapping her across the face so hard the inside of her cheek had been cut on her teeth. Never again. No one would ever treat her or her body like that ever again.

Carol stepped out of the stall into the steamy bathroom. Once she'd dried herself off and gotten dressed in the cleanest clothes she had for sleeping she opened the bathroom door to let the steam escape. She brushed her teeth, and the mirror became less foggy, allowing her to see herself. The ecstasy of the moment had worn off, and she was left looking at a middle aged woman with crow's feet and a body that showed the evidence of time and bearing a child. 

It made her feel foolish. No one would want to be with her like this. Not Andrea, not anyone. The blonde would never want to touch her sagging breasts or stretch-marked hips or cellulite dimpled thighs. Ed had been right. He'd been the only one who could have ever wanted her. 

By the time she laid down to go to sleep, her body no longer felt like her own and she didn't care about having time for herself. What was the point of a few minutes of pleasure when hours and days of misery were all that were ahead? Pleasure was useless, and she wasn't deserving of it. There was no changing that.


End file.
